


Phoenix

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-31
Updated: 2003-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian rejects Justin's request to get back together in 308.  Takes place one year later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“I’ve given it some thought and I decided you should take me back. Although I’ve made a few mistakes, I think you would be making an even bigger one not to give me a second chance.”  
Looking across the desk at the younger man, Brian made a decision. “Sorry, I stand by my original decision, you are gone.”  
Justin’s face fell, he was so sure after the kiss earlier that Brian would give him a second chance. Seeing the folly in his request, Justin simply nodded and stood up from his chair. “I guess, I’ll be going.”  
“Don’t forget to pack up your desk.”  
Nodding quickly, Justin left the office. Brian leaned back in his chair and sighed. Knowing Justin would continue his pursuit, he went back to working at his computer.

***

One Year Later

Justin was working the lunch shift at Amsterdam’s. He loved working at the upscale bar in downtown Phoenix. It had a very classy atmosphere and attracted not only gay customers, but straight ones as well. Justin’s favorite nights were Mondays. They had “Martini’s and Manicures.” It was such a fun night. The bar set up manicure and pedicure stations as well as tarot card readers and henna tattoo artists. It was a popular night, and was always good for tips. Justin was a very popular bartender. He got hit on all the time. Although he never accepted any of the offers, the attention was flattering.  
Justin moved to Phoenix shortly after being fired from Vanguard. The rejection he felt from Brian made it impossible for him to stay in Pittsburgh. When he made his plea to Brian, he had been so raw and so vulnerable to Brian, that seeing the older man on a regular basis would just be too hard. He also worried that Brian would throw it back in his face by tricking or other manipulations of which the older man was so famous.  
Jennifer Taylor’s younger sister, Michelle, lived in Phoenix and Justin had always been close to her. When he told his mom he needed to leave town, she suggested going to live with Michelle. By doing this he would get out of Pittsburgh, but not be alone. He enrolled at the Al Collins Graphic Design School and got a job bartending at Amsterdam’s. By working at the bar, Justin was able to make friends. He loved to go out dancing. Boom was his favorite hangout. It reminded him a little bit of Babylon but on a smaller scale.  
He lived with Michelle for a couple of months, but quickly realized he needed a place of his own. He was able to get a scholarship for school and his bartending job gave him enough of an income to rent an apartment. He chose a place downtown called the Phoenix. It was an older complex that reflected the old charm of Phoenix’s early days. Thirty units surrounded a courtyard and a pool. Justin’s apartment was on the northeast corner with lots of windows to bring in the natural light. The style of the apartment was very retro and Justin had fun decorating the place. He quickly adopted a kitten, so he wouldn’t be alone that he named Shadow. Although he missed Pittsburgh, he was pretty happy.  
The lunch crowd was dying down, and Justin noticed that someone was occupying a seat at the bar near the door. He was shocked to see that the man was Brian Kinney.

***

Brian had been in meetings with his potential client all morning. He decided to take his lunch break at a downtown gay bar. Fucking Vance had gotten a line on America West Airlines. The airline was developing a new vacation department and wanted to do a cutting edge marketing campaign. So Brian was sent to Phoenix in August, one of the hottest months of the year, to pitch. He didn’t see how Vanguard would have a chance. America West had always done their advertising with a west coast firm, but Vance decided he wanted to try. So here was Brian, sweating his ass off, trying to land an un-landable account.  
The last year had been hell. Vance loved taking advantage of his partner. Since Gardner held the controlling interest in the firm, Brian was still his lackey. He was sent all over the country trying to land ridiculous accounts. The traveling didn’t bother him, he hated being in Pittsburgh. His hometown had lost all interest for him when Justin moved away. To say he was shocked to learn that Justin moved away would have been an understatement. He had expected Justin to handle his rejection like he had when they first met. Brian rejected Justin and the teen became relentless in his pursuit. Brian had expected no less after this rejection. He wanted Justin back, but he wasn’t prepared to give in right away.  
When he learned Justin had moved away, Brian’s heart was broken. Justin had given up again, just like he did when he left Brian for Ethan. Justin was supposed to understand Brian. He was supposed to read between the lines and learn what Brian was really saying. The older man slowly began to realize that Justin had never really understood him after the bashing. He simply accepted everything Brian did at face value and reacted accordingly. Hence, Brian’s rejection of him at Vanguard caused Justin to leave town.  
So now, Brian was stuck in Phoenix. He sat at the end of the bar and began going over some notes from his meetings earlier. He barely noticed when a drink was placed in front of him. It was a double Beam. He looked up and his eyes locked with a pair of beautiful blue eyes.  
“That’s on the house.”


	2. Phoenix

Justin trudged up the stairs to his second floor apartment. He was exhausted. Friday’s were always rough on him. He had classes all morning and then worked a full shift at Amsterdam’s. Friday nights were always busy at the upscale bar. Since tips were great on the weekends, Justin never complained about his shifts. Bartenders were always trying to get hired on at the bar, so if Justin were to complain about his hours, there would be another bartender happy to take his place.  
Unlocking the door, Justin heard the familiar bell on Shadow’s collar. No matter what time he came home, the kitten was always waiting for him. He loved coming home to the gray tabby. The cat wouldn’t let him out of his sight for at least an hour before getting back to his “kitten play.”  
“Hey baby,” the kitten yawned in response, “Another busy day I can see.” Shadow began wrapping himself around Justin’s ankles and the young artist picked the kitten up. Shadow snuggled into his arms while Justin flopped down on the wood framed futon that served as his couch. Absently petting the kitten, Justin reflected on what had happened earlier today.  
Somehow Brian Kinney had wandered back into his life. The ad-exec must be in town on business. Justin was pretty sure Brian had no idea where he was. His family back in Pittsburgh never talked to him about Brian. Justin felt that was for the best. After being rejected by the older man, any knowledge about the man would only cause Justin pain. Justin popped in a video from his extensive collection and proceeded to do what he did every Friday night.

***

Brian had no idea how he got through his afternoon meetings. He couldn’t believe he found Justin and by pure coincidence. Figuring his well meaning friends knew where the blonde was, he chose to never ask. If something was wrong, they would tell him, so he just went on pretending that Justin’s departure didn’t bother him in the least.  
The truth was his heart broke the day he found out Justin had left town. He thought long and hard about searching for his blonde boy, but he decided against it. If Justin left, it meant that the young artist was cutting Brian out of his life. Brian knew he took the cowards way out and spent many sleepless nights wondering why he didn’t take Justin back. Since the day Justin walked out on Brian at the Rage party, the older man had missed him. So much so that he still was amazed at the fact that he had resorted to hiring hustlers that looked like Justin. When push came to shove, Brian couldn’t get past his stubborn pride and take Justin back.  
The next day Brian decided to try and see Justin. He called the bar and found out that Justin would be working until ten. Dressing in his customary “Babylon clothes” he waited outside the bar until Justin came out.  
“Hey Sunshine!”  
Justin looked over and found Brian standing against the wall smoking a cigarette. The older man was dressed in a black wife-beater and black trousers. He exuded raw sexuality and looked ready to cruise.  
“Brian what are you doing here?”  
“I figured since I’m new in town, you could show me around.”  
Justin looked down at his own attire. He was dressed in cargo pants and a light weight shirt. Feeling tired and dirty, Justin was in no condition to go out. Against his better judgment he decided to take Brian out.  
“Brian this isn’t the kind of place you can cruise at, I’ll take you to Boom. It’s kind of like Babylon, but on a smaller scale.”  
“Sounds great.”  
“I need to go home and change, do you mind?”  
“Not at all.”  
Justin led Brian to his car, an old Ford Escort. Justin navigated down Central Avenue towards his apartment. An awkward silence filled the car, but both men chalked it up to nerves. Justin pulled into his parking space and led Brian upstairs.  
Brian looked around the apartment complex and grimaced. Justin sensed his scrutiny. “It may not look like much on the outside, but it’s a pretty cool place.”  
“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”  
Shadow was waiting for Justin as he unlocked the door. Justin picked the kitten up and turned to Brian, “This is my roommate, Shadow.”  
Brian reached out to pet the kitten. Shadow started swatting Brian’s hands with his paws. “He’s friendly isn’t he?”  
“He’s a kitten, Brian. Anything that moves is fair game. Try making the bed when this little guy is hiding under it. No foot is safe. I’m going to jump in the shower. Make yourself at home, there’s beer in the fridge.”  
“Do we have time?”  
“Yeah, Boom has after hours. It doesn’t get going until after midnight.”  
Justin left Brian in the living room while he headed for the shower. Brian took the opportunity to look around the apartment. It was definitely a lot nicer than it looked on the outside. Justin had set up a wood framed futon as a couch and a rattan papasan chair. He had a nice entertainment center with a TV and stereo. Shadow gave up his pursuit of Justin when the bathroom door closed. The young kitten started winding around Brian’s ankles and purred until Brian picked him up. Brian noticed that Justin had a nice porch with a patio set and hibachi grill. He made his way into the kitchen and got a beer out of the fridge. The kitchen was very retro and Justin had continued the design in his décor. He had a full sized “Rat Pack” poster on the east wall.  
Brian sat on the couch and turned on the TV. While he was flipping through the channels, Shadow had made his way to the back of the couch, hovering over Brian’s shoulder. Brian found a fringed belt on the floor and began to tease the kitten.  
Brian and Shadow were so engrossed in playing with the belt, they didn’t even notice Justin walk into the living room. Justin stood silently and watched the man he loved play with his kitten. Brian had obviously found Shadow’s favorite toy and his insistent kitten had conned the older man into playing with him.  
Clearing his throat, “Are you ready to go?”  
“Sure am Sunshine, show me your town!”

***

Justin pulled his car into the parking lot of the club. The entrance to Boom was off the alley and there were no signs. If one didn’t know better, you would never guess there was a nightclub there. Justin led Brian to the entrance. The two men went inside. The bouncer knew Justin and let them in immediately. The front half of the club was a bar designed in monochromatic chrome. In the back was the dance floor. Music pulsed from the speakers. The dance floor was designed a lot like Babylon. Cocktail tables hung from the ceiling and there were a couple of different levels with “stripper” poles. Justin and Brian headed to the bar and each ordered double Beams.  
Downing the drinks quickly, Brian felt the need to dance with his favorite partner. “Let’s dance Sunshine.”  
The two men began their familiar dance. Justin was so tired, he couldn’t really get into it. A muscled brunette began to cruise Brian and Justin saw the older man eyeing the trick. Deciding to leave Brian to his wicked ways, Justin left the dance floor and headed out to the patio.  
Brian noticed the man cruising him and couldn’t help but take a look. Before he knew what was happening, Justin was gone. The red-head took Justin’s place and started to seduce Brian with his eyes. Brian, having no interest in the man left the dance floor in search of Justin.  
He made his way out to the patio and found his blonde smoking a cigarette. “What are you doing out here?”  
“Sorry Bri, I don’t usually go out on nights after I work. I’m usually too tired. Go on, have fun, let me know when you’re ready to go.”  
“Why didn’t you say something?”  
“You were looking for a good time, so I figured I would show you the Phoenix scene. Go on, have fun. I won’t leave you stranded, unless you find another way back to your hotel.”  
“Well I just wanted to hang out with you tonight. So if you’re not up for a club, let’s go hang out at your place and watch a movie or something.”  
Feeling very confused, Justin decided not to ask any questions. He led Brian back to his car and began the drive home. The two men made their way up the stairs. Justin turned on the TV to the digital music channel. The two men sat beside each other in an awkward silence.  
“So Brian, why are you in Phoenix?”  
“Vance sent me here after the America West Airlines account.”  
“Wow, that’s huge. Are they looking for new representation?”  
“No, but they opened up a new division and are looking for some ideas.”  
“Hmm, well I’m sure you will dazzle them.”  
Brian turned and looked at Justin. The blonde looked more beautiful than ever. Justin turned and looked at him, blue eyes boring into hazel ones. Against their better judgment, their lips met in a searing kiss.


	3. Phoenix

Before either man could use their better judgment, their physical desire for each other took over. Their tongues were dueling for control in each other’s mouths. Justin felt Brian’s tongue tracing his lips and then pushing back inside his mouth. Running his fingers through Brian’s chestnut hair, Justin moaned into the kiss.

“Bri … bedroom …” Justin panted between kisses. Brian understood, scooped Justin over his shoulder and carried him into the bedroom. He kicked the door closed for neither man wanted the cat to participate in their reunion.

After being gently thrown on the bed, the young artist scrambled onto his knees and began to attack the waistband of Brian’s pants. Pulling down the silk trousers, Justin was glad to see Brian wearing no underwear. Brian’s cock sprung from its silk confines and Justin licked his lips in anticipation of tasting his former lover once again. Snaking his tongue out, Justin lightly licked the head. Brian’s fingers laced through his hair and pulled Justin closer, sliding his shaft through the younger man’s lips. Justin took his full length in his mouth and began to suck. 

After being apart for so long, neither man wanted to go slow, their need too great. Brian began to fuck Justin’s head and the blonde’s sucking matched his thrusts in perfect unison. With a loud groan, Brian shot loads of cum down Justin’s throat and the younger man swallowed it greedily. At bit embarrassed at going off like a teenager, Brian hauled Justin up and ravished his mouth again. Justin pulled Brian’s black tank top over his head and began to suckle his lover’s nipples. Brian reached down and pulled Justin’s shirt from the waistband of his jeans. He slid his hands down the back of Justin’s jeans and cupped his lover’s cheeks.

Pulling Justin up, Brian went to work on his clothes. Once Justin was naked, Brian turned him around and pushed him onto the bed. Quickly removing his own pants after pulling out a condom and lube. He sheathed his cock and squirted the lube onto his fingers. He inserted a finger into Justin’s proffered ass to prepare him. He worked one finger and then entered a second, softly stretching his golden boy’s hole. Feeling that Justin was sufficiently prepared, he removed his fingers and coated his dick with the remainder of the lube. Positioning the head of his cock at Justin’s ass, Brian slowly pushed himself all the way inside. Hearing Justin moan from the intrusion, Brian held still to allow Justin to adjust. God, he was so fucking tight. He ran his fingers through Justin’s golden hair and leaned forward to kiss his neck.

“Baby, are you ready?” Justin could only nod. Brian slowly withdrew and thrust back in. Justin’s hips began bucking in time with Brian’s thrusts. Justin had missed being fucked so hard by Brian. During his time with Ethan, the only sex he had was romantic. As much as Justin loved romantic lovemaking, he missed the animalistic fucking with Brian. Justin screamed as he came followed by Brian’s own orgasm. Once Brian emptied his load into the condom, he collapsed on top of Justin. Not wanting to crush the younger man, Brian rolled to his side and slowly pulled his softening cock from Justin’s ass. Disposing the condom in the wastebasket next to the bed, Brian gathered his lover in his arms and fell asleep.

***

 

Justin awoke a few hours later when he heard Shadow mewing at the door. Justin never slept with the door closed, so the kitten was very confused. Justin opened the bedroom door and the cat immediately ran over to his litter box. Justin climbed back in bed, and saw Brian looking at him.

“Sorry, I had to open the door for the cat.”

“S’okay. Justin …”

“Brian, I’m exhausted, just go to sleep.” Brian saw a look pass through Justin’s eyes that chilled him. The boy had rolled onto his side and away from Brian. Brian heard Justin’s even breathing, indicating that he was asleep. Gathering the sleeping blonde in his arms, Brian wondered for the first time how much damage had his rejection of Justin caused.

***

 

The sunlight streamed through the bedroom. Brian stretched and squinted. The slight movement caused his foot to immediately be attacked by the kitten hiding under the sheets. “Ow … shit.”

He heard laughing from the kitchen. He immediately knew where his errant lover was. Wrapping the sheet around himself, Brian walked into the kitchen and found Justin, fully dressed, brewing coffee and preparing bagels. “I heard you got your kitty wake up call.”

“No shit, I’m surprised I’m not bleeding.”

The topic of discussion walked into the kitchen, having been lured by the smell of food. Shadow jumped onto his hind quarters and tried to climb up the cabinets to get to the food. Justin scooped up the protesting kitten and carried him to the bedroom.

Brian cocked an eyebrow at Justin when he returned. “He’s terrible whenever there’s food around, so he gets to hang out in his room while we have breakfast.”

Justin poured Brian a cup of coffee and handed him a toasted bagel.

“So do you need a ride back to your hotel, or is your car at the bar?”

A bit taken aback by the way Justin was treating him, Brian felt like a trick. “Um, my hotel, I took a cab to the bar.”

“No problem, where are you staying?”

“The Pointe at South Mountain.”

Justin whistled, “Fancy place. Do you want to take a shower before we head out?”

Brian took a second to study Justin. At a quick glance he looked much as he did before he left Pittsburgh, but a longer glance told Brian a lot had changed. His eyes were now a steely blue, reflecting none of the sparkle they used to hold. His Sunshine had begun to erect the walls that Brian himself had. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he resorted to his best weapon … sex.

“A shower sounds great, Sunshine.”

Justin looked up and smiled, “Go ahead, there’s no rush. Extra towels are in the middle cabinet.”

“Aren’t you going to join me?”

“I showered when I woke up. We can leave when you’re done.”

Brian nodded silently and went into the bathroom.

Once he heard the water running, Justin held his head in his hands. What the fuck was I thinking? Sleeping with Brian Kinney last night had been a huge mistake. How was he supposed to get over the man if he ended up in bed with him every time he saw him?

Justin thought over the last year. He would be lying to himself if he said he was any closer to being over Brian than he was a year ago. The memories of his first love never went away. He remembered dancing at Babylon, fucking all night long, the tricks, the drugs, and the last goodbye at the Rage Party. The raw wound from Brian’s rejection was still there. Seeing his former lover again only succeeded in ripping it back open.

Justin was distracted by a noise coming from behind him. Turning he saw Shadow halfway up the screen door in an attempt to get onto the porch. Justin gently pulled the kitten from the screen and opened the arcadia door. He never left the kitten unsupervised on the porch, Shadow was too curious for his own good and Justin didn’t want him hurt. As the young cat jumped around the porch, Justin smoked a cigarette and wondered what the hell he was going to do.

***

 

Brian stood under the scalding water and wondered what was happening. Seeing Justin again had been a dream come true. It was something he had been wishing for almost a year. Now, it seemed his golden boy was preparing to wash his hands of his former lover. The way Justin had been acting this morning was very strange. He was almost treating Brian like a trick. Justin had never been that callous before. Brian had never been someone’s trick before. Briefly, he wondered if all the men he had used and thrown away felt like this. The tables were turning and he didn’t like it one bit.

Turning off the shower and grabbing a towel, Brian headed into Justin’s bedroom to retrieve his clothes. For the first time, he got a good look at the room. The living room had been decorated with some adult sophistication, but this room was all Justin. Brian saw the walls littered with posters and pictures of Justin’s pop culture idols. There was even a baseball poster. When did Justin start liking baseball? There were toys and stuffed animals as well as sketch pads and art supplies. This room was truly Justin’s sanctuary. Brian felt tears spring up. Justin had grown up and Brian wondered if he even knew the man anymore.

After dressing, Brian made his way out into the living room. He noticed Justin sitting on the porch smoking. Stepping outside, he sat in the bistro chair opposite Justin and lit up a cigarette. He saw the young kitten batting the leaves of the orange tree that grew in front of Justin’s porch. Chuckling softly, “Looks like he’s having fun.”

“Yeah, he loves being outside. I’m just afraid to let him out alone. My Aunt Michelle lives about a mile from here. She has a fenced in back yard and we let Shadow play there when it’s not too hot. It’s funny. She has this Doberman-lab mix that is totally afraid of the cat.”

“Your Aunt Michelle?”

“Yeah, she’s my mom’s younger sister. She’s thirty. My grandparents had her kind of late, so she’s been more like a sister to me. When I decided to move out of Pittsburgh, my mom suggested coming here. She didn’t want me to be totally alone. I lived with Michelle for a couple of months before I got this place.”

“How come I’ve never heard of her?”

Justin looked Brian directly in the eye, “You were never interested in asking about my family.” Brian winced at those words, but it was true. “Are you ready to go?”

Brian stubbed out his cigarette, “Yeah.”


	4. Phoenix

Justin navigated the freeway towards Brian’s hotel. Exiting at the Baseline exit, he made his way to the front of the resort. He pulled up to the lobby doors and stopped. “Here you go.”  
Brian couldn’t believe he was being dismissed so quickly. “Do you want to come in?”  
“Can’t Bri, I have plans this afternoon.”  
“Justin, I think we need to talk …”  
Silencing Brian with his hand, “Brian, I’m not going to go all lesbian on you or start stalking you again. Last night was a fuck for old times’ sake. I understand that. So you really don’t have to say anything. Goodbye, Bri.”  
Brian slowly got out of the car, but leaned in the open window, “Later, Sunshine.”  
Fuck!

***

Justin went to the afternoon baseball game with his friend Jones, another bartender at Amsterdam’s. Even though, he wasn’t a jock, he had always liked the game of baseball. He played little league as a kid, but was really bad. After he moved to Phoenix, he had gotten into the game again. Becoming a full fledged Diamondbacks fan, he went to as many games as he could with Jones.  
The two young men had quickly become friends after they met at Amsterdam’s. Both were new in town and were drawn to each other. There was no romantic or sexual attraction, just friendship.  
After the game, Justin and Jones went to eat at Alice Cooperstown. Justin was nibbling on his coconut shrimp, not saying much.  
“So … you’re uncharacteristically quiet today.”  
Justin looked up at his friend, “Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.”  
“What’s up?”  
“My ex wandered into town, showed up at Amsterdam’s.”  
Jones had heard all about Brian and Ethan. “The ad-exec or the fiddler?”  
“The ad-exec.”  
Knowing Justin’s feelings for Brian all he could say was, “Wow!”  
“Yeah, apparently, he’s in town on business and found his way to the bar. You could have knocked me over with a feather.”  
“So what happened?”  
“I gave him a drink and sent him on his way. The last time I saw him he pretty much told me to fuck off. You can imagine my surprise when he showed up waiting for me after I got off work last night.”  
“He was waiting for you?”  
“Yeah! He wanted me to take him out.”  
Jones looked at his friend incredulously, “You went out after a work night?”  
“Well, I figured I would be hospitable and lead him to some hunting ground.”  
“You took him to Boom.”  
“Yeah, but when I left him to hook up with some trick he came to find me. Claimed he wanted to hang out with me.”  
“Really? So what happened?”  
“We ended up back at my place and fucked.”  
“So how was it?”  
“Hot, just like it always was with Brian. I really have no idea what’s going on. He was acting really weird. I mean he shoved me out of his life, not once but twice, and then he turns up wanting to hang out with me and shit.”  
“So … what are you going to do?”  
Justin looked at his friend, “Nothing. I dropped him off at his hotel and that’s it. I am not interested in re-opening old wounds.”  
“What if he is?”  
Justin hung his head. “I don’t know.”

***

Brian subjected himself to a heavy workout at the resort’s gym after Justin dropped him off. It was becoming clear to him that Justin had been badly hurt by his rejection a year ago. When Brian had rejected the younger man, he truly believed that Justin would continue his pursuit. In the past, that was exactly what Justin would have done. Obviously, things had changed.  
Brian didn’t remember how to get to Justin’s apartment, so he hoped his ex-twink would be working at the bar. Deciding that he would seduce his former lover back, Brian needed to shop. He headed for the mall near his hotel. As much as he hated malls, Arizona Mills had some great designer outlets.   
Brian had a successful afternoon. He picked up some Armani and Versace clothes at a great discount. Wanting to dress for seduction when he saw Justin that night, Brian chose his purchases with care.  
Arriving at the bar around nine, Brian was disappointed that Justin was not there. He sat at the bar for about an hour. Justin never showed, so he motioned the bartender over. The twink working the bar brought him a double Beam. It was what he had been drinking earlier.  
“Is Justin working tonight?”  
Jones had a feeling this was Justin’s ex-lover. “Why do you want to know?”  
“I’m an old friend.”  
Jones looked the older man in the eye. “I know who you are. Stop fucking with him.”  
Taken aback by the fact that Justin had spoken about him, Brian matched stares with the twink, “I’m not fucking with him.”  
“Bullshit, just leave him alone.”  
“Look, when is he working next?”  
Jones looked deeply at the man and made a decision, “He’s working tomorrow night at eight. Don’t make me regret giving you that information.”  
Brian nodded and the two men had an understanding.

***

Justin slept in on Monday morning. He was glad he didn’t have any classes this week. He had just finished his summer semester at Al Collins and had a week until the fall semester started. As he started to wake, he felt Shadow against his calf. He moved carefully because he didn’t want to have the kitten attack him.  
He didn’t have to be at Amsterdam’s until six. Monday nights were always busy. He decided to take Shadow over to Michelle’s for a few hours. The kitten was getting restless in the apartment. He packed up Shadow in his soft-sided leopard print carrier, a gift from Emmett.  
He pulled into Michelle’s driveway around noon. He loved Michelle’s neighborhood. She lived in the historic Willow district and had a great little house. Justin used his key to let himself in and was greeted by an over enthusiastic Bijou. Bijou was Michelle’s dog. She was a Doberman/lab mix but was a softy inside. Actually she was nuts. The slightest strange noise sent her hiding in the bathroom. A well placed hiss from Shadow sent the dog running for the bathroom.  
“Michelle?”  
“Justin, is that you?” Michelle called from the office. The third bedroom of her house had been transformed into an office/music room. Walking into the room, Justin found his aunt working on the computer.  
“Hey!”  
“Oh, you brought my baby!” Michelle took the cat carrier from Justin and quickly freed the kitten from his prison. Shadow loved Michelle and immediately began purring as she gathered him up in her arms.  
“Geez, Shel, I think he likes you more than me.”  
“Whatever.” She opened the back door and let Shadow down to run outside. The kitten began romping in Michelle’s large backyard.  
“So, what’s up nephew?”  
“Nothing.”  
“You can use that innocent look, but it won’t fly with me.”  
Justin should have known better than to try and fool Michelle. “Brian’s in town.”  
“Brian? As in Brian Kinney, your first love?”  
“That would be the one.”  
“Fuck!”  
“Exactly.”

***

Amsterdam’s was hopping. By ten-o-clock the bar was packed. Justin was working the bar and noticed when Brian walked in and perched himself at the end of the bar. Fuck! Justin poured a double Beam and served it to Brian.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Having a drink, Sunshine. What do you think I’m doing here?”  
Rolling his eyes, Justin walked away. Brian downed his drink in one swallow and gestured for Justin to come back.  
“What do you want, Brian?”  
“To talk to you.”  
“Can’t you see I’m working?”  
“I can wait.”  
Justin stormed away and whispered to Jones who was standing at the end of the bar. He came out from behind the bar and walked over to Brian. Justin gestured for the older man to follow him. The two men walked outside and when they were standing in the parking lot, Justin whirled around and confronted Brian.  
“What the fuck are you doing?”  
“We need to talk.”  
“No, Brian we don’t! You said everything you needed to say a year ago!”  
Brian was getting frustrated, “YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TOWN!”  
“What??”  
Brian repeated himself, softer this time, “You weren’t supposed to leave town.”  
Shoulders slumping, Justin sighed, “This isn’t the time or the place for this conversation. I get off at one and I’m always hungry after my shift. Come pick me up. There’s a lot of all night restaurants, we can talk then.”  
Brian nodded, “I’ll see you at one.”


	5. Phoenix

Brian arrived to pick Justin up exactly at one. He found the blonde artist waiting out front. The mere fact that Justin was waiting for him spoke volumes. Justin got into the car, but said nothing.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Take a left and head down Central.”  
Justin directed him to a twenty-four hour Denney’s on 7th Street. The two men walked into the restaurant.  
“This is an unofficial ‘gay’ restaurant.”  
Looking around the restaurant, Brian nodded his agreement, “I can tell.”  
The two men sat in a booth and just stared at each other.  
“So Bri, what was that little display at the bar about?”  
Brian was nervous about the conversation they were about to have. “Why did you leave town?”  
“I needed a change of scenery. I didn’t want to live in Pittsburgh anymore.”  
“Why not?”  
“Jesus, Brian, do I have to spell it out? When I came to you and asked you to take me back, I had my heart and soul exposed. You told me what I could do with that. I didn’t want to be around you after that.”  
“So you ran away.”  
“I didn’t run away, you asshole. I moved. I moved on, did what I needed to do in order to continue my life. What else was I supposed to do?”  
“You could have stayed.”  
“For what?”  
“I wanted you back. I just didn’t want to give in right away.”  
“So, I was supposed to play the game again. You wanted me to chase you again. Why should I do that?”  
“Because you were always ‘onto’ me. You were always the one person who could read between the lines.”  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get the upgraded ‘Brian Kinney’ decoder ring. Even if I had, I have no desire to have a relationship that is based on games. I’m tired of playing games with you, Brian. That’s why I left. I need something more, something real, and I know I am not going to get that with you.”  
“Justin …”  
“Don’t Bri. I’ve always known the score. I’ve always known exactly what you want from me. Please, I’m not stupid.” Justin took a deep breath and took a deep chance. “Look, how long are you in town for?”  
“Until the end of the week.”  
“Ok. We’ll have this week. I can be your ‘out of town’ fling. I am off this week from school and I don’t work again until Friday night. We can spend the week together. Exorcise old demons and put the past to rest. How does that sound?”  
Brian knew that he couldn’t expect Justin to profess undying love for him, but at least the artist was willing to see him again while he was in town. He had his last meeting with America West on Friday. They would give him their decision then. “That sounds perfect. Should I check out of my hotel?”  
Justin thought over what he could do with Brian the rest of the week, “Yeah, let’s go get you checked out.”  
***

After leaving the restaurant, the two men drove to Brian’s hotel. They went to his room and packed up his things. While Justin waited in the car, Brian checked out with the night clerk. They made the drive back into downtown in silence. Brian took a chance and reached over for Justin’s hand. Thankfully, the young artist didn’t reject his touch and entwined their fingers.  
The ride to Justin’s apartment was made in silence. Justin directed Brian to park his rental car on the street. The two men carried Brian’s bags through the courtyard. They found themselves greeted by a pissed off kitten. Shadow was annoyed at having been left alone for so long. He wrapped himself around Justin’s legs demanding to be picked up. Justin put down Brian’s bag that he had been carrying and picked up the kitten. Shadow immediately began purring.  
“Your cat is a drama princess, Sunshine.”  
“I know, but I love him anyway.”  
Brian chuckled and scratched the kitten’s ears. It was three in the morning and neither man was tired. Brian pulled a cigarette out and Justin stopped him.  
“No smoking in the house, Bri, out on the patio.”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Do you notice how this place doesn’t smell like a stale ashtray? It’s because all smoking is done out on the porch. Out!”  
Brian immediately complied and headed out for the porch. He was followed by Justin and the two shared a cigarette. Shadow settled down by the hibachi and just relaxed.  
“So Sunshine, you have me in your lair, what are you going to do with me?  
“Brian, just for the week, however, I do have some plans.”  
“Should I be nervous?”  
“I don’t think so, trust me.”   
“I do, sunshine, I do.”

***

The two men went to bed. Both were too tired to do any thing other than make out in the bed. They fell asleep in each others arms. Love entwined their hearts together, although neither one was willing to admit it.  
Brian awoke to the sunlight streaming through the window again. Before he realized what he was doing, he shifted and felt his leg being attacked by Justin’s roommate. Sighing heavily, he pulled his leg away from the overenthusiastic kitten.  
Brian scooped Shadow in his arms and went looking for Justin. He found his lover in the dining room on the phone.  
“Yeah, tomorrow. Ok, we’ll pick up the tickets at the depot.”  
Brian wondered what Justin was up to. “Sunshine?”  
Justin turned around, “Morning, Bri. Just making plans.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“It’s a surprise. Brian, go get showered.”  
Brian decided to comply. He went into the shower alone and quickly emerged. He walked into the living room and found suitcases piled up near the door.  
“Sunshine, what’s going on?”  
“We’re going on a road trip. I’ve packed for both of us.” Justin handed Brian a cup of coffee. “We’ll be back Thursday night. Plenty of time for you to make your meeting on Friday.”  
“You’re scaring me.”  
Justin planted a kiss on Brian’s lips, “Trust me.”

***

Once Brian was dressed and packed, Justin packed Shadow into his carrier.  
“You have a leopard print carrier for your cat?”  
“It was a gift from Emmett.”  
Brian was not expecting this. “From Emmett? I didn’t know you were in contact with him.”  
Justin noticed as Brian’s jaw tensed, but he was not going to back down. “I’ve been in contact with everyone.”  
“I never knew.”  
Justin took a deep breath. “I guess you never asked.”  
Brian could only nod in agreement.

***

Justin pulled into Michelle’s driveway. She had agreed to “kitty sit” for a few days. “Come on, Bri, It’s time to meet Aunt Michelle.”  
Justin led his lover up the walkway and opened the front door. Bijou greeted Justin warmly, but shied away when she heard Shadow hiss from inside his carrier.  
“Justin, is that you?”  
“Yeah, Michelle.”  
An elegant blonde woman emerged from the back of the house. Brian didn’t need anyone to tell him this was Jennifer Taylor’s sister.  
“Michelle, this is Brian.”  
Michelle extended her hand in greeting, “It’s nice to meet you, Brian.”  
For the first time, Brian felt welcomed by a member of Justin’s family. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”  
Michelle began cooing into the carrier, “Shadow-bo are you going to stay with your Aunt Michelle?”   
She was answered by a soft meow. Micelle took the carrier from Justin, “He’ll be fine. You two go, have fun.”  
Justin grabbed Brian’s hand, let’s go!”


	6. Phoenix

Justin pulled his car out of Michelle’s driveway. Looking over at Brian, he saw the older man trying to get comfortable in the compact car.  
“Do you want to get some coffee and something to eat before we get on the road? We’ve got about a two hour trip.”  
“Yeah, I could use some coffee.”  
“Okay.”  
Justin drove them to a Starbucks that was in the same strip mall as an Einstein Bagels store. He ran inside and came out with two coffees, a bag of bagels, and cream cheese.  
Navigating them onto the interstate, Justin began the road trip north. They headed up Interstate 17 towards Sedona. Even though this was going to be a one week fling, Justin still wanted to share this with Brian. The young artist had spent many days in Northern Arizona and loved it. He wanted to share it with Brian, although he wondered if Brian would even appreciate it  
They drove in silence. Justin had given Brian control of the stereo. The older man put in the new Evanesence CD. After about thirty minutes, Brian finally spoke up.  
“You’re strangely silent, Sunshine.”  
Justin looked over at Brian, “Nothing to say, I guess.”  
“That’s not like you.”  
Glaring at Brian, “You’ve never cared what I had to say before.”  
“That’s not true.”  
“Whatever, Brian.” Justin took a deep breath, “Look, Brian, I don’t want to fight with you. Remember what we agreed. I’m an out of town fling. No talking about the past, it doesn’t matter.”  
Brian didn’t know how to respond. Justin used to always talk to him. It didn’t matter if it was the most mundane thing, Justin’s mouth always ran a mile a minute. Finding Justin unwilling to talk made Brian’s bones chill.   
They continued north and Brian became engrossed in the scenery. The desert landscape faded away and was replaced by green trees. All Brian had ever thought of Arizona was sand dunes and scorpions. This was a new side to the southwestern state for the ad-exec.  
As they continued to wind their way up the interstate, the scenery continued to change. Brian was amazed as he saw the red rock formations come into view. It was something he had never seen before. Growing up on the east coast, he was used to soft sloping mountains. Lying before him were crimson red rock formations. There were colors he had never expected to see.  
Justin pulled the car into Los Abrigados Resort. He had chosen this resort because they didn’t stick you into some time share presentation. The room afforded a fabulous view of the red rocks. The young artist had enjoyed discovering Sedona and hoped Brian would like it.  
The last few days had confused Justin like no other. Brian was acting like he truly cared about him. This was something he used to dream about, but the reality always destroyed him. He needed to remember that Brian was only his for the week. He would send Brian away after the older man’s business was through. Constant reminders kept his heart in check.

***

Justin had booked them into the Jerome Suite. In the bedroom there was a king size bed with matching oak dressers. There was a separate sitting room with a couch, TV, dining room set, and full kitchen. Their room had a view of Oak Creek and the resort offered many walking trails along its twenty two acres. Justin was unpacking while Brian was staring out the window.  
“It is so beautiful here.”  
Justin came up behind Brian and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist. “I know. I came up here for the first time a few months after I moved here. Jones brought me here. He knew that since I was an artist I would love it.”  
Brian bristled at another man’s name coming out of Justin’s mouth. “Jones?”  
Justin chuckled at the jealousy Brian was fighting to hide. “He’s a friend, Bri. We work together at the bar.”  
Realizing Jones must have been the bartender he talked to on Sunday night, he relaxed.  
“I like to drive up here at least once a month. I’ve done a lot of paintings of the rock formations.”  
“I can imagine how this place would inspire an artist.”  
“It’s a very artistic place. There are writer’s colonies here and craftsman. There are some great shops. I thought you could probably find something for Lindsey.”  
“That a great idea!”  
“It’s only noon now, I scheduled you a massage at four, so we’ll have plenty of time.”  
“Pampering me, Sunshine?”  
“Buttering you up for when I wake your ass up at six tomorrow to get on the road, we have to be in Williams at nine.”  
“Williams?”  
“You’ll find out.”

***

The two men strolled around the town. Brian was intrigued by all the new age shops he saw. Justin explained that a psychic, named Page Bryant, discovered vortexes in the hills of Sedona. Vortexes were psychic energy sites and they attracted new age enthusiasts and psychic healers.  
Brian cocked his eyebrow at Justin’s explanation and caused the younger man to laugh. “I know you don’t believe in psychic powers and stuff, but a lot of people do.”  
“Whatever.”  
Brian found a beautiful necklace for Lindsey in a gallery at Tlaquepaque, Sedona’s premier shopping showplace. Another thing that Brian enjoyed was that there were many gay couples around town and he could hold Justin’s hand or put an arm around his shoulder and not worry.   
Trying to interpret the younger man’s moods was driving Brian crazy. After their little spat in the car, Justin had spoken very little. During his hour long massage, Brian had time to think about what was going on. If they kept the topics of conversation away from their “relationship” Justin was fine. The two men had shared a terrific afternoon, laughing and chatting about the scenery, the shops, and their friends in Pittsburgh. Neither man brought up anything personal between them.  
Realizing that Justin had put up walls to protect himself from Brian, the older man needed to know how much damage he had caused and if it could be fixed. Damnit! He loved the blonde twink, but had been too stubborn and too much of a coward to admit it. Now he had run the only man he had ever loved out of town and quite possibly out of his life. He needed to get Justin to talk to him, but he didn’t know how.

***

Justin spent his “free” hour walking the grounds of the resort. He needed the time away from Brian to get his thoughts in order. Today had been fun after their little tiff in the car. He didn’t like snapping at Brian, but he didn’t like how the older man was pretending that nothing had happened. Hoping he could get Brian to forget about whatever “talk” the man seemed to want to have, Justin just wanted to have this week with Brian. No deep discussion, no fights, just fun. Then the two men could go their separate ways and back to their respective lives.

***

The lovers dined in the Steak and Sticks restaurant at the hotel. Brian insisted he just had to have some prime rib. Staying away from anything too personal, the two men talked all throughout dinner.  
“How do you think the presentation will go?”  
“Well the presentation is rock solid, but I doubt I’ll get the account.”  
“Why not? You always get the account.”  
“Not always. The wild goose chases that Vance has sent me on this last year has taught me a lot. I’ve found a lot of these companies that already have agencies will listen to your ideas and then steal them.”  
“That sucks.”  
“It’s part of the game.”  
“It still sucks.”  
Locking eyes, “Yeah, it does.”

***

They barely had gotten inside their room when Justin turned around and attacked Brian. He began tearing at the older man’s clothes while his lips kissed Brian all over his face and neck. Surprised at the tenacity of his young lover, Brian decided to go with it and wait to see what Justin had planned.  
Freeing Brian’s chest from his shirt, Justin began to suck on his nipples. He heard Brian gasp as his nipples were lightly bitten. Brian pulled Justin up to kiss him, and began to undo the younger man’s pants. Pulling away from Brian’s lips, Justin whispered fiercely, “I want to fuck you.”  
Brian snapped his head back, ready to say no. The look in Justin’s eyes stopped him. For the first time since their “reunion” Brian saw some of the old sparkle. Justin’s blue eyes were hazy with lust, love, and desire. At that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to deny Justin anything.  
Justin saw Brian nod his assent and they began to kiss again. Their cocks were both straining to be released. Justin finished removing his pants and went to work on Brian’s. When both when completely nude, Brian pulled Justin to him and crushed their bodies together. “Go easy on me, Sunshine. It’s been a while.”  
Justin rested his hand on Brian’s cheek and gave him a soft kiss. “Get on the bed and roll over.”  
Doing as he was told, Brian waited for Justin. Retrieving the condom and lube, Justin quickly sheathed his cock and was about to squirt the lube onto his fingers when he looked up and saw Brian waiting with his ass up in the air. Realizing that he had never rimmed Brian, Justin decided he would prepare his lover’s hole in a more natural way. Crawling up behind Brian, he caressed his lover’s back and felt the older man shudder. Grabbing a pillow, he placed it under Brian’s hips and lightly pressed the older man down. Stretching completely on top of Brian, Justin began to kiss and lick down his neck.  
Brian gasped, knowing what his young lover was up to. Closing his eyes, he gave into the sensual haze that was overtaking him. Feeling Justin’s tongue reach the top of his crack forced a moan from his lips. Justin worked his tongue around Brian’s tight hole. Lightly stabbing and then thrusting his tongue inside.  
“Oh … fuck …Jus …”  
Justin’s tongue lubed and stretched his tight hole. Removing his tongue, Justin placed the head of his cock at Brian’s hole. Leaning over he whispered, “Are you ready?”  
Taking the nod of the head as an affirmative answer, Justin pushed his cock inside the tight hole. Once he was fully inside, he waited for Brian to adjust.   
“Sunshine,” Brian groaned, “fuck me now!”  
Accepting the permission, Justin held onto Brian’s hip and began fucking the man below him. Slamming in and out of Brian’s ass, Justin knew his lover would have a hard time sitting down in the morning.  
“God … Jus … fuck …”  
“Bri … shit … so tight.”  
Being slammed so hard from behind caused Brian to cum quickly. As he shot cum all over the sheets beneath him, his muscles clamped down on Justin’s cock and pulled the younger man’s orgasm from him.  
“Oh … God … Bri …” The young artist collapsed on top of Brian and reached for his hands. Their fingers entwined in a familiar gesture from long ago.

***

The buzzing of an alarm jolted him awake. He felt the pain in his ass from the previous night’s activities. “Fuck!”  
“You got that right!”  
Brian squinted his eyes open to see Justin fully dressed and grinning at him. The smell of freshly brewed coffee invaded his senses. “Come on, Bri, get up. We need to be on the road by seven.”  
“Don’t you think we should talk?”  
Sighing, Justin sat beside Brian on the bed and handed him a cup of coffee. “Brian, you go back to Pittsburgh in a couple of days, back to Liberty Avenue, back to your life. I go back to school next week, back to my job, back to my life. How do you want to remember your trip here? Some emotional bloodletting with an ex-lover, or a fun fling with this hot blonde twink you picked up in a bar, who took you on a fabulous road trip filled with adventure and lots of hot sex. What option would you take?”  
Taking Brian’s silence as his answer, Justin smacked him on the leg. “Good choice! Be showered and dressed in forty-five minutes or I’m leaving without you.”  
Justin gave Brian a quick peck on the lips and headed into the living room.


	7. Phoenix

Justin packed up the car while Brian showered and got dressed. His ass was stinging from the workout it got the night before and Brian got hard just thinking about the way Justin fucked him. Quickly jerking himself off, Brian was ready to go by six forty-five. He was slipping on his shoes as Justin came in.  
Smiling at his lover, “Good you’re ready! I grabbed some muffins, fruit, and juice from the buffet, we need to get on the road.”  
“Whatever you say, Sunshine!”  
Pressing a quick kiss to Brian’s lips, Justin caresses his lover’s tender ass, “You ok?”  
Giving Justin his best ‘fuck you’ glare, “Just fine, Sunshine. Let’s go.”  
Grabbing Justin’s hand, Brian pulls his young lover out the door.

***

Traveling north on 89A, Brian was again struck by the beauty of the southwestern state. Justin’s hand was resting lightly on his, moving only when he needed to shift gears. Brian liked the comfortable silence. He looked out to his right and took in all the lush green foliage.  
“I still can’t believe how beautiful it is up here.” Justin looked over at his lover and smiled his “sunshine” smile. “I thought Arizona was all sand dunes and cactus.”  
“I know, I thought the same thing. I had only been here a couple of times before to visit Michelle and always stayed in Phoenix. The first time I ventured north I was just as surprised. Did you know they have skiing here?”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Yeah, there’s three ski areas, one in Flagstaff, one in Pinetop, and one down south at Mt. Lemon.”  
“There’s skiing in Southern Arizona?”  
“Yeah, even though it’s in the southern part of the state, the elevation is high enough. Jones and I went snowboarding last winter.”  
Justin’s voice immediately trailed off, obviously remembering their aborted snowboarding trip to Vermont.  
Brian resumed looking out the window. The two men were at a stalemate. Neither one willing to budge. Justin refused to talk about anything personal between the two of them and Brian’s fear of telling Justin that he loved him. The older man wondered who would budge first, if at all.  
“So Sunshine, where are we headed?”  
Thankful for the shift in topics, “Don’t you want to be surprised?”  
“I’ve never been a big fan of surprises.”  
Heaving a sigh, Justin decided to fill his lover in on their destination. “We’re driving to Williams, which is an old town about forty miles west of Flagstaff. We’re going to take a train to the Grand Canyon.”  
“A train?”  
“Yeah, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do since I moved here, but haven’t gotten around to it. Michelle says it is so cool. They rebuilt the old train tracks that used to transport people to the canyon in the early 1900’s. It’s about a two and a half hour trip and then you get three hours at the canyon before coming back. I’ve booked us a room at the Fray Marcos Hotel which is at the train depot.” Justin noticed Brian’s silence. “Does that sound ok, do you want to do something else.”  
Reaching for Justin’s hand, “No, it sounds great. I’ve always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon.”  
“Me too, it will be fun to see it together.”  
Brian entwined their fingers as Justin continued driving.

***

They arrived at the depot at eight thirty. Justin went to pick up their tickets while Brian looked around the gift shop. Finding some fun “railroad” toys he could get for Gus, he made a mental note to stop in here when they got back.  
Justin walked up behind him, “Are you ready?”  
“Yup, I want to come back in here when we get back though. There’s some great things I want to get for Gus.”  
Thrilled that Brian was behaving “fatherly” towards his son, Justin immediately complied.  
Justin had booked them in the club car on Michelle’s recommendation. The train had higher class cars, but his aunt had assured him that this was the best way to experience the trip.  
The two men sat side by side and pointed out different things they saw. Justin saw a family of deer and quickly showed Brian. The older man recognized the enthusiasm in the blonde artist. “Go ahead. Sunshine, I know you have your sketchbook. Go for it.”  
Justin smiled at his lover and quickly pulled out the book and charcoals and began a visual journal of their trip. Brian was content to watch Justin draw. It had been so long. Watching the artist at work was one of the things he had taken for granted when Justin lived with him.  
The journey was over much too quickly. After they departed the train, Justin was anxious to see the canyon. He yanked on Brian’s arm, pulling him up the stairs from the depot. Both men stopped dead in their tracks as the canyon came into view. In front of them was the most amazing sight either one had ever seen.  
Words could not describe what they were seeing. Justin was trying to picture how he would capture the image before him on paper. Brian Kinney, advertising extraordinaire, was speechless. The two men walked the path along the South Rim in silence. The natural wonder before them was too awe-inspiring for them to speak.  
The lovers found themselves at a scenic overlook that was off the main trail. Justin had migrated towards the edge and was overlooking the canyon. Walking up behind his lover, thankful for the privacy, Brian snaked his arms around Justin’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.  
“Planning your next masterpiece, Sunshine?”  
Justin remained silent for a few moments. Staring out at the most beautiful natural creations he had ever seen and feeling Brian’s heartbeat as he held him from behind, Justin decided to end the charade. He decided to ask the question that had been plaguing him since the day before and although he feared the answer, he had to know. “Why didn’t you ask about me?”  
***

Brian tensed at Justin’s words. So the blonde artist was going to be the one to end the stalemate. Tightening his arms around the waist of the man he loved, Brian knew he was going to have to break his heart. His only hope was that when he was done, the younger man would let him put it back together.  
“I didn’t want to know.” Justin started to pull out of his arms, but Brian held on tight. “Listen to me.”  
At those words, Justin wanted to run. His biggest fear had been that Brian didn’t care enough about him to inquire about him after he left, but having it confirmed broke his heart. Brian held onto him tightly.  
“The Rage Party went exactly as I planned. I wanted to push you away and you left.” He felt Justin shuddering in his arms and knew the younger man was crying, but he had to tell Justin everything. “I wanted my life back and you weren’t happy. You wanted things that I wouldn’t give you and you weren’t happy in my life. So you needed to go.”  
Justin struggled out of Brian’s arms and turned to face him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his eyes were blazing. “Fuck you, Brian! Why are we even here? Why did you come back to the bar if you wanted me gone and wanted your old life back?”  
Brian grabbed Justin by the arms, careful to not bruise the younger man. “Please Justin, hear me out. If you still hate me when I’m finished that’s fine, but please hear me out.”  
Justin stopped struggling, but the tears continued to stream down his cheeks. Brian wished he could stop them, but was powerless.  
“I remember coming home from work the day you moved your stuff out. I walked into the loft and it was so cold and quiet. So empty. It was the way I used to like it. I remember looking around and thinking ‘where is his shit?’ Everything was so sterile and I hated it. I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life in letting you go. But I was Brian Kinney, for fuck’s sake. Brian Kinney doesn’t chase anyone, doesn’t love anyone. The only consolation that I had was that you were happy. You were with someone who would give you what you needed and tell you things you needed to hear. Things I wouldn’t do. When you came to me and asked to come back, I wanted nothing more than to take you in my arms and promise you the world, but I couldn’t.”  
“Why not?”  
“I’m a coward, Justin. Don’t you know that? I was too afraid of giving you that power over me. If I let you back, let myself love you, what would you have done?”  
“Loved you back.”  
“I couldn’t take that chance.”  
Justin’s eyes bored deep into Brian’s, “Walking away from you was the hardest thing I had ever done. But your ‘grand plan’ succeeded, you pushed me away. After that display at the Rage Party, I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from you as I could. I hated you that night. I had done everything I could think of to prove to you that I loved you, but it wasn’t enough. I thought I was happy with Ethan. I won’t lie to you, Brian. The romantic words and gestures meant a lot, until I learned they were bullshit too.”  
“You never told me what happened with Ethan.”  
“He cheated on me.”  
“Justin, but I …”  
“You never promised me monogamy, so I had no right to expect it from you, regardless of how I felt. He did. He told me that I was the only one he wanted to be with, and our first night apart he fucked some groupie.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s funny. What he did was worse than anything that you had ever done. Even though you did some shitty things, you never lied to me. I didn’t realize what a big deal that was until it was too late. All the romantic words and gestures were bullshit after he lied to me.”  
“I’m going to ask you again, why did you leave town?”  
Justin sighed. He figured Brian wouldn’t have bought his previous, lame excuse. “After I left Ethan, I needed some time to decompress. I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I turned a blind eye to everything you had done for me and determined that since you hadn’t told me that you loved me or wouldn’t participate in some lame ass floor picnic that you didn’t love me. I finally realized that you did, I just didn’t see it. So I got the job at Vanguard. I figured if we were in close proximity to each other you would remember that you liked having me around. That night I came to your office, I had stripped myself of what pride and dignity I had left. When you rejected me I realized that I couldn’t stay in Pittsburgh. The thought of seeing you killed me. I didn’t want to see you at the diner, I didn’t want to see you with the guys, I didn’t want to see you with tricks …” Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and entwined their fingers, “So, I left.”  
Brian looked into his lover’s eyes and saw the raw stripped down man his beautiful baby had become. “So what happens now?”  
“I don’t know.”


	8. Phoenix

The train ride back was made in complete silence. Both men were too emotionally spent to say anything. Justin laid his head on Brian’s shoulder and they held hands as they rode back to Williams.   
Holding hands, the two lovers entered their room at the Fray Marcos in silence. Justin turned to look at Brian, unsure of what he would see in the older man’s eyes. Blue eyes met hazel ones, “Make love to me, Brian.”  
Brian cupped Justin’s face and silently asked permission to kiss him. It was like prom night all over again. Justin nodded and Brian gently leaned in for a kiss. Their tongues began the seduction that their bodies would follow. Brian softly removed Justin’s clothes and laid him on the bed. Seeing the young man lying there, waiting for him, filled Brian’s heart. He quickly removed his own clothes and stretched on top of his lover.   
Justin felt Brian’s weight on top of him caressing his lover’s back. When he felt Brian start to move off of him, he reached his arm out to stop his lover. “Brian … no.”  
“I’m too heavy for you, baby.”  
“No, you’re not, just stay …”  
Brian remained lying on top of Justin as they kissed. Their hands caressed each other. The entwining of their fingers had always been a romantic gesture the two shared. Brian pulled his lips away from Justin’s and began to suckle his nipples. He pulled and sucked at them until the nubs were hard.  
Justin ran his fingers through Brian’s hair. He always loved the silken tresses. Brian’s lips worked their way down Justin’s torso, sucking and licking. He buried his nose in his baby’s golden pubes. No matter how many men he had been with, Justin’s scent was the one he always remembered. Justin’s cock was fully erect and rested against Brian’s cheek. Brian reached his arm up and slid his fingers into Justin’s mouth. The boy sucked on Brian’s fingers like he was sucking his cock. Brian withdrew his fingers and slid the saliva coated digits along his baby’s cock.  
Justin moaned at the feel of Brian stroking his dick. His fingers slid effortlessly through his lover’s hair. He felt Brian’s lips encircle the head of his cock. Once the cap was between Brian’s lips, the older man began to suck. Brian’s hands found Justin’s and entwined their fingers. He took more of Justin into his mouth until the head of Justin’s cock touched the back of his throat. Brian swallowed around Justin’s cock, and the younger man arched his hips into Brian. Brian increased his sucking to match Justin’s humping. Justin screamed as he emptied his seed down Brian’s throat.  
Brian crawled up his lover’s torso and fed Justin his own cum, which the blonde ate greedily. Brian quickly sheathed his dick and pulled Justin’s legs onto his shoulders. He forced his cock into Justin’s hole with no preparation and silenced Justin’s cries with his lips. When he felt the boy relax around him, the older man began to slowly thrust. His movements were agonizingly slow but deliberate. His cock grazed against Justin’s prostate. Justin dragged his nails across Brian’s back. His own instincts taking control, Brian began to thrust in and out of his baby’s ass. Justin’s muscles clenched around his dick and Brian screamed, collapsing onto his lover. When he tried to roll away, Justin’s arms stopped him. “Please stay.”

***  
The two men awoke, wrapped in each others arms. Sometime during the night, Brian had rolled away and disposed of the used condom. Like old times, they had migrated back into each others’ arms.  
Brian awoke first and took the time to watch Justin sleep. This was another of his guilty pleasures. Justin’s beauty took on an ethereal quality when he slept. Brian loved to watch him. The younger man started to stir. His blue eyes opened and looked at Brian.  
“Mmm … morning.”  
“Good morning, Sunshine.”  
Justin leaned up and kissed Brian. He decided to take a chance. “I love you.”  
Fearing another rejection from Brian, Justin turned his face away. Softly grabbing his baby’s chin, Brian stared into his lover’s eyes. “I love you, too.”  
Justin closed his eyes and sighed, “But where do we go from here?”  
“Baby, if I knew that I would be a fortune teller. Remember what you said about this trip. Let’s just have fun. We’ll worry about the future after my presentation. We’ll have a better idea then.”  
Kissing Brian deeply, “Ok.”

***

The two lovers showered together for the first time since their reunion. As they were drying each other off, Brian inquired about their plans for the day.  
“Well, you have your choice. We can either go home through a historic mining town or else go visit an extinct volcano and some Native American ruins.”  
Brian thought for a moment, “I’d like to go see the volcano. I’ve never seen one before.”  
Justin smiled brightly, “I was hoping you would say that. I’ve never seen one either!”  
The two men packed up quickly and were on the road. Justin drove east on Interstate 40 through Flagstaff. He followed the signs for Sunset Crater. Pulling the car into the Visitor’s Center parking lot, the two men got out.  
Holding hands, the two men walked around the crater. What they were seeing was a cinder cone that last erupted 1000 years ago. Northern Arizona was actually a field of volcanoes. The largest was Mt. Humphrey in Flagstaff that actually resembled Mt. St. Helen’s after she blew her top. They followed the lava trail and looked in amazement at the power of Mother Nature.  
“Bri, can you imagine this place when lava was flowing everywhere? It’s incredible.”  
“I’m just glad we weren’t here, Sunshine.” That earned him a smack from his young lover.  
“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”  
“It sure is.”  
“I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii and see the lava flowing.”  
“Well, maybe we’ll go there someday.” Justin grinned at the prospect.

***  
After their visit to Sunset Crater, Brian and Justin went to visit the ruins of Wupatki. It was a Native American civilization.   
“God, Brian, look at the craftsmanship of this place. These ruins are hundreds of years old.”  
“It’s amazing. I guess we are pretty arrogant being so impressed with our technology.”  
The younger man could only nod.

***

The drive back to Phoenix was made in relative silence. The two men’s fingers were entwined and occasionally Brian would kiss his young lover’s hand. That gesture would earn him a beaming smile.  
They arrived back into town around nine o’clock. They decided to pick up Shadow from Michelle’s the next day. Once they arrived back at Justin’s apartment, neither man was tired. They deposited their bags in the living room and made their way to the porch.  
“Brian, I think we need to think about what happens next.”  
“I know we do, but a lot depends on what happens at the presentation tomorrow.”  
“Why?”  
“Well, if I get the account, I will need to make trips between here and Pittsburgh.”  
“And if you don’t?”  
“Then I really don’t have any reason to be here.”  
“So that will be it? You get the account and I see you occasionally and if you don’t then it’s sayonara.”  
Brian saw the tears well up in Justin’s eyes. “Baby no, but if I don’t get the account, it makes things more complicated. I realize that you have a life here, a life that makes you happy. I don’t want to ruin that for you.”  
“I am happy here, but I’m happy with you, too. God, things are fucked up!”  
“Look, let’s not freak out until we know what happens tomorrow.”  
Justin nodded in agreement.

***

The two men were too exhausted from their trip to do anything other than fall asleep in each others arms. Both of them were dreaming about what the future may hold.   
Morning came too soon. Brian’s presentation wasn’t until one and Justin was working from one to nine. Justin decided that a good brunch was in order, and Brian grimaced at the thought.  
They ended up at First Watch, a restaurant near Justin’s apartment. Brian watched in horror as Justin consumed a skillet of fried potatoes, ham, cheese and eggs. The ad-exec had settled for an egg white omelet and Justin teased him about his vanity.  
“Sunshine, your metabolism won’t always be so fast and you’ll need to watch what you eat, too.”  
“Whatever, old man! So are you nervous?”  
“It’s just a pitch, I’ve done millions of them.”  
“But there’s a lot riding on this one.”  
“Professionally, not much … personally, a little bit more.”  
“Just a little bit?”  
“Ok, a lot.”  
“Better. Will you call me when it’s done?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Will you pick up Shadow too? He probably thinks I abandoned him.”  
“Yes, Sunshine, I will fetch your pussy.”  
Justin threw his napkin at Brian, “Asshole.”  
Brian went to pay the bill and the two men went to their respective cars. Brian gave Justin a slow lingering kiss, “Later.”  
Watching his Armani clad lover walk away, Justin could only whisper, “Later.”


	9. Phoenix

Brian sat alone in the conference room at America West’s corporate headquarters. He had just delivered one of the best presentations of his career and the executives had excused themselves to make a decision.  
Brian thought about what this presentation meant. If he got the account, he would need to spend time in Phoenix getting it together. If he didn’t get the account, there would be no reason for him to come back here, other than Justin. Brian knew that Vance would continue to send him on mundane pitches and his free time would be very limited. Realistically, it would be very hard for him to come back here to see Justin.  
“Mr. Kinney, we’re ready.” Brian rose and greeted the men and prepared to hear his fate.

***

Justin was having a difficult time concentrating at work. He knew that Brian was giving the presentation that would determine their future. If Brian didn’t get the account, they would be through. Justin had a life in Phoenix and two more years of school. Brian would never be able to visit if he didn’t have business connections here.  
“Justin, telephone.”  
Justin walked to the other end of the bar very slowly. Knowing who was on the other end of the phone caused his heartbeat to race.  
“Hello?”  
“Hey, baby!”

***

Brian drove over to Michelle’s house. He had promised Justin that he would pick up Shadow. Pulling into the driveway, the ad-exec had a heavy heart. Michelle was waiting at the door.  
“Brian! Come on in.”  
“Hi, Michelle.”  
Brian walked into the living room and was immediately greeted by Shadow. The kitten began to claw up his Armani slacks. Picking up the kitten, Brian was greeted by soft purring.  
“Wow, he really likes you. He doesn’t greet anyone other than Justin like that.”  
“Hmmm,” was Brian’s only response.  
“How did the presentation go?”  
“You know about it?”  
“My nephew doesn’t keep much from me, so how did it go?”  
“I didn’t get the account.”  
“Oh shit.”  
Brian smirked at Michelle’s response. “Yeah.”  
“Brian, how do you feel about Justin?”  
“I love him.”  
“So what are you going to do about it?”

***  
Brian didn’t leave Michelle’s house until after seven. Even though she was Jennifer Taylor’s sister, Brian got along with her surprisingly well. Probably because they were close in age. She gave him the third degree about what he was going to do. The answer lay with Justin.  
Entering the empty apartment, Brian quickly let Shadow out of his carrier. It was obvious that the kitten had missed his home. Watching the cat tear around his home, Brian was glad he hadn’t followed his initial thoughts to ask Michelle to keep him for another night. Brian had plans for Justin tonight and he feared Shadow would only get in the way. However, the kitten was a member of the family too, and would be a consideration in any decisions the two men made.  
Once Shadow was settled back in his home, Brian left to run a few errands. He wanted to have everything ready when Justin came home. If the evening progressed the way Brian hoped it would, they would have a lot of celebrating to do.

***

Justin walked up the stairs to his apartment with a heavy heart. Brian hadn’t gotten the account. Tomorrow he would go back to Pittsburgh and continue with his life. Part of him wished that he had never spent this week with Brian, but hearing Brian Kinney tell him that he loved him made all the pain worthwhile. He only wished there was a chance for them.  
Unlocking the door, Justin knew he would be seeing Brian for the last time. He pushed the door open and found Shadow waiting for him. Not looking around the apartment, he picked up the kitten and held him close. Shadow began purring into his neck. Justin looked around the apartment, hoping he would find Brian.  
All the lights were out and the living room was illuminated by candles. He heard movement and went into the kitchen. He found Brian there, standing by the stove.  
“Sunshine, you’re home!”  
“Bri, what’s going on? Shouldn’t you be packing to go back home?”  
Brian held out a champagne flute for Justin, “You might want to put the cat down.”  
Justin was about to put shadow on the dining room table where his water bowl usually sat. He noticed the table had been set with his china and there was a bouquet of roses.  
“Brian, what’s going on?”  
“First things, first.” Brian held out his own champagne flute, “A toast … to us.”  
Their glasses clinked and the two men drank.  
“Brian, I don’t understand.”  
Brian led his lover to the couch and sat beside him. “Sunshine, a lot has happened today. The outcome depends on you.”  
“But you lost the account …”  
“Yes, America West decided they were going to stay with their current firm. However, they liked my ideas enough that they didn’t want to just dismiss me.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“They offered me a position as the head of their marketing department. They want me to be the liaison with their advertising agency. It would be a larger salary than Vance is paying me and I would need to move here.”  
“Here?”  
“This depends on you, Justin. I couldn’t live in the same city as you and not be with you. So the only way that I will take this job is if I am with you. What do you say? Will you be my partner, my lover … my whole world?”  
Justin’s blue eyes began to fill with tears, “Bri …”  
Brian silenced Justin lips with his finger. He pressed a button on one of the remote controls and the room was filled with the strains of a flamenco guitar. “Dance with me?”  
Justin could only nod and took Brian’s hand. Taking his lover by the hand, Brian led the younger man to the middle of the room and held him in his arms as they began to dance.

Sometimes I close my eyes  
And imagine you're with me  
Chasing passion into the night  
All tangled in a dream.

Oh, if you could see my heart  
The way I feel inside  
You would know just how far  
I'm willing to go to get to you  
There is nothing I won't do.

Show me what its like to lose control  
Free the desire in your soul  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Let me take you to a place like no where else  
Show you the things you never felt  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Oh, I want to taste your kiss  
Be the reason for your smile  
Touch the magic on your skin  
Be the one that drives you wild.

Oh, if you could read my mind  
You'd know you're everything I need  
You'd see yourself through my eyes  
You may understand what I'm going through  
Just how much I want you.

Show me what its like to lose control  
Free the desire in your soul  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Let me take you to a place like no where else  
Show you the things you never felt  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Let me love you.  
Let me love you!

Show you what its like to lose control  
Free the desire in your soul  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Let me take you to a place like no where else  
Show you the things you never felt  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Oh, I love you.

Show you what its like to lose control  
Free the desire in your soul  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Yeah, baby.

Let me take you to a place like no where else  
Show you the things you never felt  
Oh, oh, let me love you.

Let me love you.  
Let me love you.  
Let me love you.  
Let me love you. 

***

Brian led Justin into the bedroom. After closing the door, they began to undress each other. Brian gently laid Justin on the bed and prepared to enter him.  
“Brian, wait! We don’t have a condom.”  
Looking deep into Justin’s eyes, “Do we need one?”  
Justin’s eyes filled with tears, “No, Brian, we don’t.”  
For the first time, the two men made love with no barriers on their hearts, their souls, or their bodies.  
***

Brian awoke several hours later to the cries of a small kitten on the other side of the door. He paddled across the room to let Shadow into his bedroom. Making his way back to the bed, he found Justin awake, watching him.  
“You’re a softy, Brian Kinney.”  
“Well, this is his room too. We’re going to have to find a bigger place.”  
“What’s wrong with this place?”  
Shadow finished in his box and leaped onto the bed to wind himself around Brian’s legs. Chuckling at the small kitten, “This place is too small for us three men. Besides, we’ll need room for Gus when he visits.”  
“Well, they are building new lofts downtown.”  
Looking down at his lover, Brian could only kiss him, “I love you.”  
“I love you, too.”  
Shadow purred as the two men fell asleep.

The End

Let Me Love You: Music and Lyrics by: Aimee Mayo, Bill Luther, Chris Lindsey, Marv Green


End file.
